I remember when I was living in New Jersey with two little toddlers. My husband worked from 6 am to 9pm some nights on top of an active social calendar. He like to sail, attend a men’s group at a local church, play soccer, and more. I would feel so angry all the time. It was this constant source of contention. I wanted him to want to be home more and he felt resentful with the demands to take away things he loved. He wanted me to go out more and I refused because I already felt our family time was so limited how could I add on my time in addition to his. Cycle repeat. Nothing changed.
My thoughts were:
He should want to be home.
I shouldn’t have to ask.
I am the one who sacrifices and he doesn’t.
I now know these thoughts were ones I CHOSE. And by choosing them the cycle never ended. I created an environment he didn’t want to be home for and reacted to what he would lose. I did nothing to make myself happy so I stewed in my own frustration. It was not the healthiest way to live. When I decided to take responsibility for what I could control everything changed.
I started my own side business. Pushed myself to go out and make friends. Stopped asking him to be home.
My new thoughts were:
I am the only one who can make myself happy.
The times he is home count and be enjoyed.
All of a sudden, he wanted to let things go. He was home more. The power to change the situation happened when my beliefs changed leading to new behaviors. It taught me a lesson in choosing the thoughts and beliefs I want while allowing the universe to support me.
No one is responsible for our happiness. Loving ourselves is the greatest love affair of all. And relationships change when we change.
How we are in life is how we are with food.
How often do you make choices with food based on beliefs that keep you stuck?
I want the sandwich but I better eat the salad while I can control myself because I always lose it at night.
If I order the burger they will think that is why I am overweight, I’ll order the grilled chicken. (leading to binging later)
I eat too much as it is, sitting to eat my meals will only make me gain weight.
We choose what we think we should do based on future actions that haven’t happened. Other things that keep you disconnected are calorie counting and measuring portions. You can’t connect to what would taste good, feel good, and be satisfied when an outside source is telling you what to do and you are following it based off of fear of patterns in the past or future choices you have already decided will occur.
Choosing what you want in the moment will keep you satisfied and help you work toward lowering your cravings, not increasing them.
When you count calories you never leave food on your plate because you are always eating all that is allowed, so when you go off the diet the same thing will happen and the weight comes back on.
Trust. Connection. Allowing. Choose in the present moment will change everything.
I know it is scary. I felt the same way about the changes I made when I was struggling with my husband but when the pattern keeps repeating it is time to find another way that is rooted in love not fear. Check out my Facebook Live to dive deeper into this topic. Click here.
P.S. If you need support, I can guide you. I have some spots this week open but after you book the call you need to fill out the application to secure the spot.