The walls were dark. There was no window. Sometimes I would just cry as I sat in my office writing notes. I was working at the eating disorder clinic for seven years and I loved every minute of it. It used to energize me. Now it made me sad and I no longer was showing up as my best self for the clients I truly was meant to serve. What was wrong with me?
I judged how I felt at the time and it kept me stuck in that cycle for a year and a half. My belief was:
There was something wrong with me. I should be grateful. I was just an unhappy person and needed to work on that.
Have you ever felt that way? I have such a blessed life, why do I want more? What do I sabotage it with food or snap at loved ones? You are not alone. Many women feel that way when I speak with them.
Looking back now I know why I reacted that way. I judged the emotion. I could only see as far as my belief. Â By dropping the judgment the lesson will appear.
What I know now after working with an amazing coach, is that one of my core values is expansion. I had grown as much as I could grow in that environment. I was starting to feel limited with my creativity as the corporate world was not interested in taking the risks I wanted to take for my clients. I was also watching my clients get limited by healthcare. They were not dreaming bigger because their recovery was limited to what healthcare would pay for.
Expansion. Freedom. Choice.
I strive for them because it makes me a better coach and gets my clients better results. I want them for every woman because I know how judgment and shame keep us small and limited which is suffocating.
The control you feel when following a diet, the release of tension when you give up and eat anything and everything has created a comfort zone. It has limited your view of yourself just like how I felt in that dark office five years ago. It will remain until you are ready to drop the judgement and learn the lesson to expand.
Never settle for a limited version of yourself. I know letting go of judgment and taking emotion out of things is challenging. But with support and guidance you will start to gain more and more confidence in yourself. When you look inside to take responsibility and change how you look a things you will stop trying to wait for the circumstances to change for happiness. You will be empowered to create it yourself.
I know when I left my job to start my own business I was focused on “losing my job and security” This leap may cause you to focus on what you will lose. Example: ” Food is comforting, nothing will ever feel as good”
Let me ask you this: What if what is on the other side is far greater then you could ever imagine?
Instead of focusing on what you will lose if you leave the cycle, ask yourself what you will miss out on if you stay. That beautiful future you are capable of creating won’t exist unless you take a leap of faith like I did five years ago and let me tell you, it was far greater then I ever imagined. Yours will be too.